Why Are You Single?

If you’re a type of person who’s not willing to accept constructive criticism, which is also one of the reasons why you are single, please don’t read this post, as it contains the ugly truth and unpleasant answers to why you’re single. 

1.) Your standards are too high

You wanted someone who’s six feet tall, with a master’s degree and a six-figure salary, knows martial arts, can play guitar (or drums), can speak good English, good with kids, has pets, loves to read and watch movies, smart, intelligent, etc. In a nutshell, someone who resembles Captain America or James Bond. 

It’s not wrong for you to want a guy who can meet these impossible standards, but the question is, would this guy like you? Sure, you might not be the girl version of Quasimodo, but you’re not exactly Amal Clooney or Kate Middleton either. 

My point is, look for someone within your league. Take a look at yourself in the mirror and base your standards on yourself and on what you have to offer to the guy.  

I’m not saying that you settle; what I’m saying is that you should set realistic standards with actual traits that have something to do with your relationship and can affect in your relationship. Let go of “must be six feet and up” or “knows how to speak French”, because, no matter how impressive those traits are now, it wouldn’t matter in the future. 

Find someone to love who will love you back with all his heart, someone who would be proud of you and who would never abandon you in hard times. 

2.) You’re going after the wrong person

This applies to most guys. It’s very disappointing that they’re going after models and ignore girls around them, as if they’ll really get those models’ attention. 

There’s nothing wrong to like and go after Adriana Lima, but the thing is, she only likes real life princes and quarterbacks who earn millions every game. 

Choose to be with someone who you deserve to be with. 

3.) You’re too full of yourself

Numbers 1 and 2 don’t apply to you because you have plenty of admirers, but the problem is you think that none of them deserve you and you dismiss them prematurely. 

While it’s just right that you shouldn’t settle with just anyone, it would be better that you give everyone a fair chance to get to know you (unless they’re excons or married or in a complicated relationship) and for you to get to know them. If it doesn’t work, at least you have them a chance. 

4.) You’re not putting yourself out there

If you’re of age, mature enough and you’re ready to give everyone a chance to get to know you but there’s just nobody in the horizon, maybe, you’re not putting yourself out there. You’re probably limiting yourself and your options in your neighborhood, work and church. 

Go out of your comfort zone; explore new hobbies and go to new places. Chances are, you won’t just learn a new skill but you might also meet someone special. 

5.) You need improvement 

You have the looks and you have plenty of admirers, but none of them sticks around. 

Bad news. The problem doesn’t lie with them but with you. Reflect and think about the things that you need to improve on. 

Everyone has always something to work on in themselves, but based on observation, these are the common problems that I see with singles now. 

Girls are too self-entitled, vain, addicted to social media, immature and unkind to other girls. They go to social media for just about everything, like to complain and whine about problems in school, work, family and relationship and for validation and attention. 

Men are too irresponsible. They get into a relationship where they promise girls the moon and the stars, but they can’t even feed themselves and still depend on their parents. They’re also very pretentious and would say things that girls would want to hear. 

Trying your hardest to change for the better is a good place to start. Be the best version of yourself. 

6.) You’re too proud

A single girl who’s few years older than me told the me that she’s not looking for a partner in life, but if it’s God’s will that she will meet someone special, she’s okay with that, so I offered to set her up with another good friend, which she declined, and I don’t understand why. 

How in the world are you going to know if someone was sent by God if you don’t try to get to know the person?

Like I said in #3, you need to give everyone a chance. In my friend’s case, though she’s not unfortunate-looking, she doesn’t have anyone knocking on her door either, so she totally needs help, and I can sense that the only thing stopping her from meeting a guy is her pride. I could say that she’s a good catch and anyone would be lucky to have her but you can’t really help a person who doesn’t want to be helped. 

Don’t be in denial. If you’re going through a dryspell, ask for help. I went through this too and the first person I asked for help was my mother. There’s nothing wrong with asking your family and relatives to set you up with someone, and because they have your best interests at heart, they wouldn’t set you up with a douchebag. 

7.) You’re not taking good care of yourself

You’re “ugly”, for the lack of a better term. 

I’m sure a lot of people will be horrified to hear it from me, especially overly religious people. They’d say, “we are created in God’s image, blah blah blah blah.” Please, spare me. 

Yes, God created all of us, but it’s not always His fault that we’re ugly. Most often than not, we become ugly because we’re not looking after ourselves. 

We know that eating junk food and not exercising makes us fat, yet we still do it. We know that not drinking enough water and staying up late, browsing Facebook makes us have pimples, yet we still do it. 

The only acceptable reason why you can’t avoid staying up late or eating fattening food is when you’re a student and can’t afford to buy healthy meals, but what on Earth do you need to be attractive when you have no business to be flirting? 

My advice is, be attractive, which is not very hard. All you have to do is to get a job, buy yourself some good clothes, healthy meals and a gym membership. Eat healthy, drink a lot of water, take a shower everyday. Save up for braces, take vitamins to even your skin tone and set a budget for facials and waxing. 

8.) You’re not doing anything about the problems mentioned above

The only thing worse these problems is not doing something these problems, like a really sick patient refusing to take medication. 

The only person who can help you with these problems is you, and if you refuse to do something about it, prepare to be alone forever. 

Courtship Versus Dating in The Philippines

I’d like to shed some light between the difference of courtship and dating.
According to my research (a quick look in Wikipedia and a survey conducted amongst the people in advanced years, courtship in the Philippines is the manner of a Filipino male indirectly expressing his interest and affection to a Filipina. 

It is expected for the Filipina to be demure and hide her feelings (if she has any) to the suitor while he endures the aggravating stages of courtship. Meanwhile, the suitor has to show his best, serenade her with lovesongs, recite her poems, shower her with compliments and give her gifts, which also has to extend to her family. However, undergoing these stages in courtship doesn’t guarantee that the suitor will win her heart. Sometimes, if he’s unlucky enough, there would be other suitors that you have to compete with and eventually lose from. Or, sometimes, the girl is just not into you. 
After the girl picks one of her suitors, they become automatically engaged. I’m not sure if they have to date or if it’s important at this point. 

On this day and age, I just think that courtship is a waste of time and a load of crap. If you think about it, a guy will express his affections towards a girl he’s attracted to, but doesn’t personally know. Obviously, since he doesn’t know the girl that much, there attraction is only physical. So, in order to win her heart, he has to go through the stages of courtship, which is time-consuming and expensive, and there’s too much pressure. A courtship usually lasts for months, or even years and sometimes ends with a heartbreak if the girl decides to turn him down. 

If the girl accepts his affections, they’ll be automatically engaged and wouldn’t have time to get to know each other (unless they’re engagement is a year long) because they’re expected to marry soon. 

Now, this is where the problem comes. After the wedding, they’ll find out more about each other and get to know each other better. What if they find out that they’re not compatible? They can’t undo what they’ve done, and since annulment is expensive, it’s out of question. They’ll be forced to live with each other for the rest of their lives until the guy finds a mistress (it’s not often that the wife finds another man no matter how unhappy their marriage is). 

I am not saying that couples who went through courtship will have a miserable marriage in the future; what I’m trying to say is that the couples who didn’t knew each other that well before getting married usually ends up unhappy with their partners because in courtship, they’re always in their best behavior, especially the guys. A man promises everything and say anything to win a girl’s affection, but will later on show his true colors when he finds out that his wife is not someone that he wants. It’s great if he sticks to his wedding vows, but most often than not, he’ll find another woman. 

“Pretentious,” is one word to describe courtship. 

Now, I don’t discourage young people to go through courtship, but make sure that you carry on your impressive behaviour to your married life. Guys, follow through on your promises and treat her like the princess you thought she was even if she shows her real self later on in marriage. Girls, try your best to be yourself through out the courtship so that your future husband will not regret his choice when you’re married and always prove to be worthy of all his efforts and generosity. 

As for dating, which is the “stage of romantic relationship where two people meet socially, possibly as friends or with the aim of each assessing the other’s suitability as a prospective partner in a more committed intimate relationship or marriage.” The meaning and protocols vary from country to country. 

It has a more casual, straightforward and easy approach in finding a potential partner in life. According to my observation, the process varies from country to country and was proven to be most effective way of finding a partner. 

Sadly, “dating” gained a negative connotation because some men use it as an excuse to sleep around and have sexual relations while women use it to get eat expensive dinner for free. 

The advantage of dating is that you get can get to know a person right away. You’ll be able to tell if your date have good manners and values by not only talking to him / her but also by being able to observe his / her behaviour in a more realistic setting, like how he or she treats the servers in a restaurant and how he or she acts around friends. You’ll be able to see the red flags and decide right away if you want to be with that person. With that being said, the man wouldn’t have his time wasted and could move on to find another while the girl doesn’t have to feel she owes him something (presents and other things). 

Don’t get me wrong, though. You don’t have to make a decision right after one date; both parties can make a decision if they want to be with that person after several dates, and it doesn’t have to end up in marriage. Dating can end up in genuine friendship (it happens, trust me), but if not, you both can pretend that it never happened and just move on. 

Courtship and dating both has pros and cons, and it doesn’t matter which one you pick (you can do both), as long as you get to know whoever you decide to be with before committing into marriage. 

Let’s talk. Share your experiences in courtship and dating in the comments section. 

The Perks of Being Single

Everyone wants to find true love. A lot of people may not admit it, but when asked, most of the time, they’re scared of not finding or meeting someone to settle down and grow old with. You spent hours worrying about what future holds when it comes to your love life. Our advice to you? Stop worrying and enjoy being single. The “One” will show up when you’re ready, and while you’re waiting, maximize the perks of being single. There’s a lot of things out there  to see and to experience that only singles have the time for.

I personally believe that our 20s is the time for personal growth and development. No matter how fulfilling married life is, it’s still hard, and you need to prepare for it by going through the “dreadful Single-hood.”

If you think about it, it’s not so dreadful to be single. For starters, you’ll be able focus on your studies. You only have your parents to please while studying in college. Learning and preparing for your career needs 100% of your attention and in my opinion, being in a relationship just gets in the way of discovering your full potential in whatever career that you’re trying to pursue because when you’re in a relationship, your priorities change. You always think about the other person first, and that usually takes a lot of your time.

Being single means freedom. You can do whatever your want and go wherever you can. If you want to see a movie right now during your rest day from work, you can do that without consulting anyone about their schedule. You can travel and see the world (if you can afford it), if not, just chill in the nearest beach. You don’t have to wait for anyone to pick you up. You’re your own boss.

Being single means discovery. You can discover your talents because you have time. Are you a good painter? Start doing it to find out. You can spend reasonable hours on your hobbies without thinking of someone who’s waiting for your text or your calls. Go bowling, learn tennis, swim in the rivers, climb mountains, pick fruits from trees, no one minds.

Being single means job opportunities. There’s a lot of high-paying jobs that require applicants to be single (ex. medreps, flight attendants and pilots.) Married people might think that it’s discriminative but I can understand the employer’s point of view. They want singles who can move away from home without hesitation. They want workers who can be sent anywhere on assignments without a question.

Being single means less responsibility. When you’re not in a relationship, your only responsibility is with your parents and yourself. Aside from that, your time and money is yours. You can help your parents and siblings out with finances. Your parents took care of you and spent a lot of money for your education, so it’s your time to show your appreciation by giving back to them and taking them out on dates. Trust me, it gives unmatched feeling of satisfaction and happiness when you see your parents enjoying a meal that they don’t have to worry about paying for.

Being single means improvement. While waiting for the right person, try to improve yourself. Read more books and take

up hobbies to be smarter. Sign up for gym or start jogging to achieve your #body goals. Make bold fashion choices and give yourself a makeover. Hang out with your friends and family. Concentrate on church activities and invite more people to attend. Be kind and giving to those who are in need (if you can afford it.)

And lastly, being single means excitement. When I was single, I was always excited to go out on dates (we’ll discuss more about this in future posts ) because I like to meet and get to know new people. While it’s given that your only intention to date is to find your soulmate, it doesn’t hurt to set your expectations right. Not everyone you date will see you as a partner- material, so date a lot of people! No one’s going to get mad because you’re technically single (please read the next posts for clean dating guidelines.)

I’m sure you’ve heard of the saying “you have to kiss a lot of frogs to find your prince.”

Let us know your thoughts in the comments section!